Listen to episode 22 on YouTube
Valli Jones
Valli Jones is a clinical psychologist and an autistic woman. She brings together professional expertise and lived experience to support families, educators, and health professionals in creating safe, respectful environments for neurodivergent children and young people.
She is the creator of the Safe House Framework — a model that blends years of clinical practice, formal training, and personal insight into what it really means to feel safe. Her work focuses on helping adults understand behaviour through a neurodiversity-affirming lens and on building strong, collaborative support systems around each child.
At the heart of her work is a simple goal: to help create a world where all children know what it feels like to be understood.
Show notes
#1 Anxiety and school can't
We start with anxiety, which Valli describes as the most common underlying issue, even when families initially come seeking support for behaviour. We talk about how anxiety can show up as distress around school, difficulty separating from parents, and increasing avoidance over time. A key part of the conversation is about understanding what’s driving the anxiety before deciding how to respond.
#2 Emotional and behavioural dysregulation
We then move into emotional dysregulation, including anger and aggressive behaviour. Valli explains how these behaviours are often signs of anxiety or nervous system overload rather than deliberate choices. We talk about why adult responses matter so much in these moments, and why regulation and safety need to come before consequences or problem-solving.
#3 Social difficulties and isolation
The third area we discuss is social stress, including difficulty making or keeping friends, bullying, and withdrawal. Valli talks about how strongly a sense of belonging affects wellbeing and learning, and how social difficulties can dominate a child’s emotional energy even when they’re not obvious to adults. We also touch on some of the ways schools try to support connection, and why not all approaches work for every child.
#4 Family stress and major life changes
We spend time talking about family stress, including separation, divorce, moving house, and blending families. Valli explains how these changes can increase anxiety and emotional load for children, particularly when routines are disrupted. We talk about the importance of predictability, clear communication, and adults supporting themselves during these periods.
#5 Clarifying assessments and second opinions
Finally, we discuss why some families seek a second opinion after an earlier assessment. Valli talks about children whose difficulties are internalised and therefore missed, and how having a clearer explanation can change how a child understands themselves. We also touch on self-blame, identity, and why understanding can be such a significant turning point.
Resources Mentioned
Free custom GPT for behaviour planning
Behaviour Response Blueprint Coach
The webinar that accompanies the Custom GPT
https://courses.embracingneurodiversity.co/courses/schools-preview
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